it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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