i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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