I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
