So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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