He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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