all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
