I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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