he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
