In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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