I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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