ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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