He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
