It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
