the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
