He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
