I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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