I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
