I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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