This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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