I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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