How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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