Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
