Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
