Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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