I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
