Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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