i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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