So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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