I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I faked an abortion last night.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
