you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
