Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
