You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize