I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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