Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
