Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
