he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
