I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
