SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
