When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
