he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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