can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
