I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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