Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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