Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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