the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
