Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
