Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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