Your face is a jimmy john
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
