So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
