it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
