hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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