Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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