Apparently you make a good broom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
