i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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