Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize