there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
