just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
