she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
