i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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