It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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