This girl is more easily done than said...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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