I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
