im drinking this country out of the recession.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
