I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
