Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
