I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
