I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
