All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was born a porn star she said
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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